The Weekly Dose - The Personal Iceberg Metaphor
"Self-awareness is realising that there is no opponent – you’re fighting against yourself." - Steven Bartlett
Hello,
Are we there yet? I mean the end of the summer holidays. I know it’s bad to wish your life away etc but blimey it’s been a long one. I made an error of not having a break away from home, so have been working and juggling an 8 year old asking for snacks and ipad consumption . A lot of lessons have been gained this summer shall we say!
Recommended continues to build momentum and I’m planning an autumn campaign to promote the brilliant speakers, consultants and trainers.
I’m also doing some brilliant work with an organisation, working on their change plans through conversations around values. It’s been a great experience seeing people reflect on their work, what needs to change, how they can do it - all through the lens of values.
I love it when an element of work becomes more than just a thing you do. It becomes a thing you go home and research more, read up about, play with, think of the alternative. Values has definitely recaptured my imagination. That along with design thinking, which I use to influence all of work now - but I want to know more so joined a course in November to further this curiosity.
So - what is capturing your imagination? What part of your work are you taking more than a ‘to - do list’ interest in? This is where work becomes lighter, when it’s a deeper interest.
That’s all for this week.
Farewell August, it was nice to see you, but hello September - so full of optimism and opportunity!
enjoy!
eleanor
Five things this week…
1.Rethink space
The Personal Iceberg Metaphor by Virginia Satir (et al) - this article by Lana Jelenjev had me pondering all day. The best thing to do is read the whole article. It’s guaranteed to make you think about some element of change in your life. The coping stances were particularly interesting to me. I’ve shared an extract.
The model is used as a change and transformational tool to explore the self. It suggests that behaviour is visible to others in the external world, but the internal world lies "below the water line" and is hidden from view.
The Personal Iceberg Metaphor recognizes 8 component of human experience:
1. Behavior
2. Coping Stances
3. Feelings
4. Feelings about Feelings
5. Perceptions
6. Expectations
7. Yearnings
8. The Self: I am
Behaviors are at the top of the iceberg. Satir believed that behaviors are results of internal processes within a person and are the manifestation of the changes or blocks within the person’s inner world. Satir also noted that how we behave is a reflection of our self-esteem. Therefore, once the internal world changes, the external behaviors will also change.
Behaviors are visible to the external world and include:
event
circumstance
story
Coping Stances- the four survival stances are placating, blaming, computing, and being irrelevant/a distractor.
The placator - They tend to disregard own feelings of worth, hands power to others, and say yes to everything. They are often depressed, see themselves as victims, and feel helpless and hopeless. They are concerned about how they will be perceived, oftentimes looking for approval from others, and their response to stress is to avoid it.
The blamer - They criticize everybody else, harasses and accuse other people or circumstances. The blamer discounts others, and honours only self and the context. They are fault finders who feel powerless and uncared for and as a result, they try to be loud, tyrannical and cut everyone down.
The computer - The person shows no emotion or affect. They are calm, cool, collected and oftentimes referred to as a 'computer". Keeping one's self as motionless as possible and think as hard as possible about being proper and correct. Functions with context only, and uses data and logic to rationalize everything. They may not know how to feel nor to express their feelings with words. Their responses tend to be intellectual, authoritative, and reasonable and come as a lecture to the other person.
Distractors- They do things or say things that are irrelevant to the context, and reality, or the other person. Distractors cannot focus on a subject, they change focus consistently, and attempt to distract others from the issue. When asked a question they often do not answer it directly and may respond with a joke, offer lightness, or entertain the groups to laugh. They might be labeled as the jester or clown that tends to be lopsided, constantly spinning, and hyperactive.
So the rethink today - what is your survival reaction?
For more on this head over to the article on Linkedin Lana's article
2. Listen to
I dip in and out of DOAC podcast. I was getting a bit tired of all the trauma, and pain, and tears. I know I shouldn’t say that. But at times its like you cant be successful without pain - or maybe that is the point. Like, no one is having a good time? But if no one is having a good time, then surely you can be having a slightly better time being successful in your field? No? Anyway…
I liked this episode. I was completely obsessed with Karren Bardy when she first joined Birmingham City FC. Inspired by this move I wrote to Carlisle United with a 10 point plan for improvements. Michael Knighton (who owned it at the time) called me to talk about my ideas, I missed the call, taking an overdue video back to Blockbusters, I returned to see a small flashing red light on my answering machine, and his actual real voice saying he really liked what he was reading ‘lets talk’. I called straight back and his PA told me she’d pass on the message. I called several more times but no success. So, my running a football club dream ended there. Karren went on to do even bigger and better things.
3.Recommended
Recommended this week, Anna Donaghey - a self belief coach who talks about ‘the last wellness taboo - alcohol’. Anna’s talk shares her personal experience of being a high functioning alcoholic, and holding down a senior management position, and the role alcohol started to take in her life. She shares fascinating facts and useful help for organisations wanting to support their employees.
Head over here to take a look around > if you are looking for fresh ideas, speakers, trainers, consultants, coaches, this is the place to go
Could you be a mentor? I’m looking for mentors (I’m not sure that’s the right title but let’s go with it for now) to join the community - you are in a corporate role that uses trainers, speakers, consultants, and you want fresh ideas then we’d love you to be part of the community. More information here.
4.What a tool!
Practice - I can’t remember if I shared this? It’s my sanity saver right now! My 121 clients have been growing, but spreadsheets and notes were starting to get difficult to keep updated. Practice is a brilliant, simple platform to organise 121 clients and send out links, scheduling, notes. Love it.
5.Something random and re-imagined
V&A Museum. I was booking tickets for Chanel, and then spotted Diva, and then spotted Re:Imaging Musicals. The display celebrates the glittering world of musical theatre, exploring the evolution and craftmanship of iconic musicals, from Miss Saigon and My Fair Lady to modern classics SIX the Musical, and Everybody’s Talking About Jamie.
I love the idea of taking something well known, and re-imaging another way to tell the story. Creativity has always been about playing with the known, and recreating to make something else, to stand out, to problem solve.
When we have ideas so often we don’t let them grow because we think they have already been done, they already exist, which might be true, but what if you re-imagined your idea through your lens and creativity?
What is helping you rethink this week?
Are you rethinking your consultancy / your corporate offer?
Join this free webinar 7 Sept 11.30 / or watch on replay
12 things to thing about when thinking about your offer, what you do and how you do it.
https://crowdcast.io/c/rethinking-your-consultancy
